he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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