go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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