Dude my mom stole all your condoms
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
