ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
