i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize