I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
