i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
