i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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