she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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