We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
