I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
His nipple licking is glorious
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