the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
