all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
