she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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