i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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