I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize