i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
