I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
