2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
