dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
