dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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