I just saw a hot homeless man
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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