it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
