i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize