Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
