How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being āgoodā and 10 being ābanging a studentās fatherā, how bad is it that Iām banging a studentās father?
Randomize
