just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He better not be in your backpack
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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