Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
