just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
