yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
