So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
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