My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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