u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need help removing her.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
