epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm like, not good at living.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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