I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
