ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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