im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
