No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
