Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
