I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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