This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
