i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
