I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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