He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
