this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
