you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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