Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am one with the molecules
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
