So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
