PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
