MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
