sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
