I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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