a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
