worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
