So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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