her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
