im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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