You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I touched a dick in church today
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
