my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
