community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
