btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
