you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
And then he peed in my hair
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