Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
