she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
