We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
