Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
