Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
