I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
