Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
