I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
