I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
