Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
