I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
