I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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