you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
