I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
