she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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