Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
